so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
