I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
