his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
