Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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