dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
