No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
