i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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