I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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