just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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