I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
