he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
