If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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