I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
