apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
nutella sex= disaster
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
