is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
even my farts smell like vagina
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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