Sry I called you an 8
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
