How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
