Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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