i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
