My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
