That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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