Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
