I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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