i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
