remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
