I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
