I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We left the knife in your bed.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
