Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
