Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
