i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
