I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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