Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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