my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
worst night to have a conscience
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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