it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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