You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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