I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
