the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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