I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
