Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
