I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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