i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
No more Irish car bombs ever.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
