I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
is it fun? or sober?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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