Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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