I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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