my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
