My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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