everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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