I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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