May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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