I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
