Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
