Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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