is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
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