i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
