I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So much rum. So many feels.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
How does one acquire holy water?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm both gender and math confused
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
