i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
