Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
