turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm both gender and math confused
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
