She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
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