I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
