i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
