You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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