oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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