I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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