I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
