I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
