all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
