we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
As shirtless as possible
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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