I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
