I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
